Cumber What?
by KkGgINoU
Summary: Sherlock finds an... Interesting video on YouTube. Sesame Street is involved. Ought The World's Only Consulting Detective like Sesame Street? I should think not.


"No! No! NOOOO! You aren't **that** stupid! Nobody is that stupid! Not even _Anderson_ is that stupid! You lower the IQ of the whole of England! Of the whole _United Kingdom_!" Sherlock continued screaming insults at the computer, or, at least, what was on the screen, for several seconds more.

John looked quizzically at Sherlock and then turned back to his paper. He took a nonchalant sip of his tea, entirely oblivious (or, more properly, completely ignoring) the spectacle in front of him.

Sherlock raged about the flat, knocking over stacks of papers. It was when the detective overturned the empty flower pot that John finally intervened.

"What is wrong with you?! Sherlock," John jumped up and moved to grab the laptop. "Give that. Now."

A lot of things happened at that moment. Sherlock pulled the laptop away as John's hand closed on the place the computer would have been. John lost his balance in his leap for the laptop. John fell with a ptremendous banging crash into a heap of papers. The crash woke up several cats in a nearby alley who promptly fell off their bins and received several items of airborne footwear in their general direction. The feline caterwauling was tremendous, which offset the dead silence in 221B.

John and Sherlock were locked in a staring match. "Sherlock, hand over the laptop."

"No."

"Well, if you're so angry about it, why see it? Why not get rid of it? Hand it here." John extended his hand.

"It's... Embarrassing."

"I thought you didn't care about that sort of thing."

"I don't."

"Well, then," John leaped over a chair to come into full view of the laptop screen. He stopped dead in his tracks. "What. Is. That?"

"Errr... A little something I found on the Internet." Sherlock moved to hide the laptop behind his back, but John stopped him.

"Sherlock, he looks just like you!"

"Yes, the Pinterest noted that." Sherlock sat down in his chair.

"You found this off of _Pinterest_?"

"Yes. And it was a careless misconception. He has combed hair. I have curly."

"Well, big deal!"

Sherlock turned to John. "Yes, it is a big deal!" He focused back on the computer. "Especially when my lookalike has the IQ of a houseplant!"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Look at this!" Sherlock motioned to the screen. "He can't even count apples and oranges on his own! He needs that idiotic purple vampire!"

"Purple _what_?" John looked at Sherlock in disbelief. "Sherlock, this is Sesame Street. Everything is idiotic here."

"That doesn't change the fact that he isn't quite as bright as tarmac."

"He's just an actor!"

"What?"

"He's only pretending to not know how to count!"

"He's also impersonating me," Sherlock muttered under his breath.

"Sorry, what?"

"He's impersonating me. Watch."

Sherlock clicked the replay button. John soon wished he hadn't asked.

_"'Hello, I'm Benedict Cumberbatch-'_

_'Didja miss me? Didja miss me?'_

_'"Murray, what are you doing here?'"_

"John, what kind of person in their right mind would create something as awful as this?" Sherlock motioned exasperatedly to the screen. "Look, you can even see the strings!"

"Shut up, Sherlock."

_"'I'm not actually a detective. I just pretend to be one on the television.'"_

"See? An insult! My lookalike is just an actor, John says." The World's Only Consulting Detective turned to stare directly at John. "My work is _very_ real. It is a discredit to the both of us. He's simply trying to-"

The video grabbed John's attention again. "Wait, what did he just say?"

"Hmm?"

John drew his finger over the mousepad. "He said my name. What did he say about me?"

_"'I'm gonna need some help on this one.'_

_'From Watson?'"_

_"'No, not from Watson!'"_ The actor on the screen looked at the puppet as if said doctor was out of the question. _"'from the Count!'"_

"Sherlock, shut that thing up."

"With much pleasure." Sherlock snapped the laptop closed.

"Unbelievable. How many hits does that thing have?"

Shelock opened the computer again. "Almost five million. And counting."

"Good heavens. This is a real problem."

"Agreed. What should we do about it?"

"We can't do much. Mycroft, perhaps?"

To John's surprise, Sherlock didn't bite his head off. "Maybe brother dear can help us stop this... Madness. He helped us with the whole 'wanted in France' thing."

"Hmmmm... Okay, then. Mycroft." John snapped his fingers. "What about that Cumberbatch fellow. What do we do about him?"

"Him? John, he's only a bit duller than a doorknob. We have nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure? Aside from acting dumb, he seemed to be kind of on top of it."

"John, he said 'penguin' incorrectly four times in a documentary. Do you think I'm joking?"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

* * *

A/N: This **is** all real. Benedict Cumberbatch and the Sign of Four (or is it Three?) is a real video presented by BBC/PBS. As is the 'penguin' reference,

Many thanks to Rousdower, who, aside from being an all-out awesome person, has helped me get a good running start into Fanfiction.

Also thanks to Icecat62 and Barbara Fruhling from 'Last Night'.

Please do review! It means a lot and I will try to reply! Constructive criticism is always welcome.

-KkGgINoU


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